DOS for Rocket ScientistsDOS for Rocket Scientists2nd Edition ((10 to third power)+17 pages, $18.201)
by Joey Heisenberg
Ambiguous Press
123 Infinity Road
Lawrence-Livermore, CA 94555
System Requirements: Ph.D. from CalTech or MIT or the equivalent (Moscow Institute for High Energy Physics, for instance). A computer is helpful but not essential if your IQ is above 160 (You can do it in your head).
Reviewer: Yves Barbero, (415) 285-4358
Pro: Complex interface, written in several languages, including Fortran, Esperanto and Russian. Neat equations with large margins to figure them out.
Con: Some command line cowboys find the book weak on its explanation of the quantum effects of the prompt statement.
Finally, a book that doesn't insult my intelligence. After all, I did my post-doctoral work at the Brooklyn and Bronx High School of Elocution, Physics, Nursing and Theology. I have my mail-order degree to prove it.
No more figuring out the inner meanings of XCOPY, DEL, and DIR. You're walked through rewriting and recompiling the COMMAND.COM so you can do everything in HEX. There's only two commands to memorize. Half the book is devoted to the derivation of ancient Vedic texts through parsing (sadly missing from all other versions of DOS books I've seen).
John Scott, a San Francisco area computer guru, has called this book, "The most helpful DOS book I've ever seen." Although Scott does not have a degree in physics, he did manage to thread his way through the Feynman lectures on light, and is one of only six people in the world reputed to have understood them. "Before I read this book, I did a lot of guessing. Now I don't have to guess anymore. I insure that the angular momentum of the light emanating from Jupiter is correct before writing a batch file. I don't know how I ever managed before reading this book." He warns that additional computations must be made to allow for body weight, the refractions due to the presence of a beard or household cat, and the differences in torso shape (between men and women).
Eugenie C. Scott, Ph.D., Executive Director of the National Center for Science Education, and a physical anthropologist, claims that this book proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that mankind is evolving. "Our organization is devoted to promoting good science in the high schools, especially in the field of biology. But with all those books written for 'dummies,' I was beginning to have my doubts about evolution."
With the information in Chapter Thirteen, Butler Crittenden, Ph.D., a guiding light of the San Francisco PC User's Group, was able to treble his hard disk space. "I simply moved the computer at the correct angle to galactic center." He declined to give further details pending an arrangement with Stac, Inc. Chapter Thirteen is also helpful in straightening out your finances.
Leading civil rights groups found the book politically correct except for the numerous references to reverse Polish notations.
Bill Gates is said to be consulting his lawyers.
With the help of this book, Windows becomes transparent, and even slower than before. However, you're now able to run Windows application from the DOS prompt. It's a simple process of putting the icons in the eighth dimension of a 17 dimensional model of a super-string sidebar. Make sure no one lives above you when you try this.
Be warned! This book is not for beginners. Contrary to rumors, shaving your head and putting on a safron robe is not enough. Nor is the size of your plastic pocket protector sufficient to help in understanding the more esoteric subsections of the volume. A thorough grounding in transcendental physics is, however, very helpful. There's simply no substitute for a good scientific education. Mysticism is absolutely no help.
Since the publisher optimistically published 42 copies of the book, there is no need to run to your book store. There'll be plenty left.
© Copyright 1996 by Yves Barbero
(415) 285-4358
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